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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24792052">you don’t want to be alone, and i can’t say it’s what you know but you’ve known it the whole time</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/takenbadgering/pseuds/takenbadgering'>takenbadgering</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>how easily passion twists [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Avatar: The Last Airbender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>5+1 Things, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ba Sing Se, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Study, Closeted Character, Coming Out, F/F, F/M, Fire Nation (Avatar), Fire Nation Royal Family, Friendship, Gay Zuko (Avatar), Gen, Hakoda (Avatar) is a Good Parent, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Internalized Homophobia, Internalized Transphobia, Introspection, Iroh (Avatar) is a Good Uncle, Light Angst, M/M, Making Out, Non-Graphic Violence, One-Sided Mai/Zuko (Avatar), Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Post-Canon, Pre-Canon, Trans Katara (Avatar), Western Air Temple, Zuko (Avatar)-centric, Zuko is an Awkward Turtleduck, Zuko's Childhood (Avatar), none of these tags are in chronological order</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 10:29:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,085</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24792052</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/takenbadgering/pseuds/takenbadgering</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>5 times Zuko came out to someone, and 1 time someone came out to him instead.<br/>Two instances are before the Avatar returned.<br/>Four instances are after the Avatar returned.<br/>One instance is after the war is over.<br/>That makes sense, right?<br/>-<br/>title: What You Know by Two Door Cinema Club</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hakoda &amp; Zuko (Avatar), Iroh &amp; Zuko (Avatar), Jet/Zuko (Avatar), Katara &amp; Zuko (Avatar), Mai &amp; Ty Lee (Avatar), Mai &amp; Zuko (Avatar), The Gaang &amp; Zuko (Avatar), Ty Lee &amp; Zuko (Avatar)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>how easily passion twists [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1896976</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>79</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>999</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. trying to save face and daddy heart break</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Prince Zuko is young, but he's not naive. At least, not according to him.<br/>He confides in someone he's not sure he can trust yet.<br/>It goes well.<br/>-<br/>chapter title: Heaven by Troye Sivan</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p>
  <strong>1.</strong>
</p>
<hr/><p>Zuko and the concept of love and attraction have a complicated relationship.</p><p>See, growing up, familial love was conditional. His father didn’t love him because he didn’t earn it, and Zuko knew that. Azula had earned it.<br/>
His mother loved him but not Azula because she hadn’t earned that. </p><p>When he was young, that seemed fair and made sense. They each had a parent that loved them and a parent that didn’t. </p><p>Then, romantic love, he had been told, was between a man and a woman. Anything else was shameful. So why then, did Zuko find himself admiring his male servants? He was in line for the throne, with royal blood. He has the divine right from Agni, for spirits sake. How can he be shameful?</p><p>He is Ozai’s honorable son! </p><p>After thinking about this turmoil for the better part of three months, he decides he needs to tell someone. He needs another opinion. He can’t keep it to himself anymore. </p><p>He can’t tell his family. They might tell grandfather Azulon. He can’t tell Ty Lee, because she can’t keep from telling it to Azula. </p><p>There’s Mai, but she’s quiet and weird. He doesn’t think he can trust her. </p><p>Uncle Iroh and Tu Len are off at war, so they can’t be the ones. </p><p>Servants and tutors always blabber to the Firelord. </p><p>With everyone else crossed off, the only person even close to being acceptable and available is Mai. And she’s in the middle ground, not the green!</p><p>But it’s all he has…</p><p>So after his schooling that day, he goes down the courtyard. He finds Mai under a tree while Ty Lee and Azula run around. </p><p>When the other girls aren’t looking, Zuko waves his hands wildly to get her attention. It works after a solid minute of jerking his limbs around. </p><p>Mai furrows her eyebrows but gets up and joins him in the hallway. “What do you want?”</p><p>“I need to talk to you about something.” Zuko said quietly and grabbed her hand, pulling her into an empty room in the palace. “I have a problem.” </p><p>He sits on a plush couch in the room and curls up. Mai stares for a moment before hesitantly sitting next to him. “Zuzu, you’re acting weirder than usual.” She tries to sound playful. </p><p>He peaked out at her. “Can you keep a secret?” He suddenly has a twisting feeling in his gut like he might vomit. </p><p>“Yeah, of course. Just spit it out already.” She raised her voice, getting worried, then upset that she’s worried so much about him. </p><p>“I’m a shameful burden on my family, I think.” He blurted. </p><p>Three beats of silence pass between them. </p><p>“You think?” She said slowly. He nodded his head quickly. She licked her lips and faced him. “Why? You’re a prince in line for the throne to the best country in the world. You’re a pretty good bender too.” </p><p>“I don’t know… I just think… I think boys are pretty,” Zuko says quietly, not quite meeting her eyes. </p><p>Three more beats of silence pass between them. </p><p>“Oh. <em> Oh. </em>” Mai looks down at her lap. </p><p>“Yeah.” Zuko hides his face again. “I know.” </p><p>“Well, I don’t care. And I won’t tell anyone.” Mai offers a rare smile. </p><p>“You won’t?” Zuko peaked at her. </p><p>She shook her head. “No. I won’t.” </p><p>He can’t help it; he surges forward and hugs her. </p><p>Mai flush’s bright pink. “When you’re firelord, you’ll need a wife though.” </p><p>Zuko pulled back, having not thought about that. He comes to a quick, easy solution. “You can be my wife!” </p><p>Mai grows even redder. “Okay.” She smiles softly at him. </p><p>“You’re the best, Mai.” Zuko wipes his eyes; tears hadn’t fallen, but there had been the telltale pressure. </p><p>Mai can’t help but give him another smile. She likes that idea very much</p>
<hr/><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. his hair’s a mess and he doesn’t know who he is yet</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Zuko has been through more than most 13 year old boys. He's made more mistakes than most grown adults.<br/>At least, Uncle Iroh will always be there for him, no matter how much he fails.<br/>And boy, does he fail a lot.<br/>-<br/>chapter title: This is Home by Cavetown</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p>
  <strong>2.</strong>
</p><hr/><p>It’s been less than 48 hour since Firelord Ozai had seen his now banished son off from the docks after having burned half of said son’s face off. In that time, Zuko had been thoroughly re-bandaged, and had gone away from Iroh to be alone. </p><p>Iroh knew his nephew would return sooner or later, so he drank his tea in Zuko's room, waiting. </p><p>It was concerning how long Zuko had been absent, but Iroh was patient and knew the number of possible hiding locations was rather slim. </p><p>He had gone over what he wanted to say in his head, how to comfort such a hurt young man—a boy, <em> a child, </em> really, but Iroh can’t call him that without him getting upset. <br/>He thought he had prepared for all types of reactions. </p><p>Once they couldn’t see the palace anymore, Iroh had left Zuko alone. He knew his nephew needed space. He was always sensitive. </p><p>Now, he was going to confront and comfort him. </p><p>Though, if Iroh was being honest, he hadn’t been prepared for what actually showed up to Prince Zuko’s room that night. </p><p>Iroh was prepared for anger, sadness, determination, denial, acceptance, bargaining, and a plethora of other emotions that were specifically for cocktails of emotions. </p><p>He wasn’t prepared for his 13 year old nephew to come in, weight supported by a crew member, slurring his words, stumbling, and with smoking fingertips. </p><p>Immediately, he jumped up and took the boy. “Zuko, what did you do?” </p><p>The crew member bowed. “We found him in the cellar, General Iroh. He had at least a bottle of rum. The door had been kicked in,” she reported, sounding worried and very tired, “When we initially tried to get him out, he sent a fireball at us: the whole place almost exploded. But when he saw the actual fire, it sent him into a panic attack. Once he calmed down, I brought him here.” </p><p>Iroh nodded. “Thank you for bringing him back. You are dismissed.” He closed the door and guided Zuko to bed. </p><p>“Heeeey!” Zuko suddenly seemed to realize he was with someone new and began to struggle. “Oh, uncle. It’s just you.” He relaxed again. “I missed you.”</p><p>“I missed you too, Prince Zuko.” He smiled softly as he helped him sit down. “Do you need help changing into your sleeping gown?” Now was not the time for lectures or disappointed looks. Iroh was a patient man.</p><p>“I’m not a prince anymore,” Zuko mumbled sadly. Putting his arms up instead of answering the question, he allowed Iroh to help him change clothes. </p><p>“Of course you are, nephew.” Iroh unfolded the sleep robe and got it over Zukos head. </p><p>It didn’t help that Zuko was shaking his head “no” while he did. </p><p>“I’m a dishonorable coward.” He hiccuped and Iroh worried he was going to start crying. “I have brought shame to my family. My existence continues to shame them.” </p><p>“Prince Zuko, I don’t know who told you that, but they’re wrong. Refusing to fight your father is not dishonorable. Choosing your battles is not cowardly. Your life is not of shame.” Iroh held his eyes while he spoke, trying to get the words to really sink in. </p><p>Zuko looked down and hiccuped again. “You don’t get it, uncle.” He sounded so sad and bitter now. He slumped forward, his head now resting on Iroh's chest. </p><p>With a small, internal sigh, Iroh slowly hugged Zuko, not so tight as to scare or hurt him. “Then explain it.”</p><p>“I’m not like other boys, uncle, I—“ he stopped himself. Going quiet, Zuko pulled out of his embrace. “I don’t want to talk about it.” </p><p>Another larger, internal sigh passed through his brain. Nonetheless, Iroh nodded. He tucked his nephew in and kissed his forehead. “Goodnight, Prince Zuko.” </p><p>Zuko was already asleep. Iroh set a bucket next to the bed and left to his own room. </p><p> </p><p>In the morning, Iroh helped with the hangover. As the prince groaned in bed, Iroh filled him in on the events of last night. He spared no detail, and Zuko was silent the whole time. </p><p>“I’m sorry I made you stay for so long,” Zuko says finally. </p><p>Iroh shook his head. “There’s nothing to apologize for. You didn’t know I was waiting.” Before he spoke again, he rolled the words around in his brain. “Can you clarify what you meant though? By saying you’re not like other boys. While it’s true: most boys aren’t crown princes in the fire nation, I get the feeling that’s not what you meant. But, if you still don’t want to talk about it, I will understand and leave it be.” Iroh knew, even if Zuko didn’t tell him now, he’d find out in time. Iroh was a patient man. </p><p>The room is quiet for a long time. He assumes that means Zuko doesn’t want to tell him. He will just wait. </p><p>He goes back to sipping his tea and just relaxing. </p><p>It’s about 20 minutes before Zuko speaks. The boy’s mind has been rapidly thinking of all the outcomes of this. Then, once he’d settled that Iroh would likely be kind about such shame—like he was with Zuko's rightfully earned scar—how should he word it? </p><p>“I’m not like other boys, because I like boys.” As soon as it’s out, he thinks it’s the most uneloquent, dumb thing he’s ever uttered. Azula would probably disagree. He’s said some stupid things before.</p><p>Iroh stills. Several things click into place in his mind. “Romantically?” </p><p>Zuko nodded jerkily “As opposed to what? Maternally?” He snapped a little. </p><p>“As opposed to sexually.” Iroh allowed the corner of his mouth to tilt upward, teasing. He hoped to get Zuko to relax. </p><p>Instead, Zuko flushed bright pink and sputtered. “No! I mean… I haven’t—I don’t—Uncle!!” He crosses his arms, growing closer to the red of his robes by the second. </p><p>Iroh gave a small chortle and allowed his full smile. “I don’t care who you love, Prince Zuko. There are plenty of boys like that out there. None of them are shameful for it and neither are you.” </p><p>All of the fight drained out of Zuko and he looked down. Hesitantly, he looked up to Iroh's eyes again. He looked desperately hopeful and his eyes watered. “You mean it?” </p><p>He nodded once. “Yes, I do. I have been to every corner of the world and nowhere but the mainland Fire Nation will anyone make judgements about you for it. Even those in the colonies don’t care.”</p><p>“Really?” He didn’t seem to believe what he was hearing. Then he hesitated. “But who… I’m all scarred. I look like an abomination. No one would want…” he drifted off. </p><p>“Now, Prince Zuko, everyone looks bad during a hangover. You can’t make judgements about yourself based on one night of <em> illegal </em>drinking. Normally, you’re a very handsome young man.” </p><p>Zuko blushed again. “Uncle!” </p><hr/><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. i wanna see boys in bikinis too; they’d look good on you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>He's not Prince Zuko of the Fire Nation anymore. He's Lee, Earth Kingdom refugee. <br/>So why does he still feel guilty when he admires men?<br/>He's Lee, he's safe.<br/>- <br/>chapter title: Girls in Bikinis by Poppy</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/>
<p>
  <strong>3.</strong>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>They’re heading into Ba Sing Se on the ferry. Iroh is reading a magazine while sitting on a bench. Zuko knows he’s being crazy impatient. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jet is supposed to come around to get him soon so they can break into the captains quarters and steal the pristine feast reserved for the crew. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’s bouncing his knee impatiently. There’s something about Jet; the way he talks, moves, looks, and acts. It’s mesmerizing and even when Zuko’s not looking at him, he’s watching him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jet is a smug bastard and he hates him for it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zuko wants to wipe that smug look off his face. Every time it’s directed at him, his heart beats wildly and he tenses up. It’s infuriating.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’s so focused on glaring at the sky, he doesn’t notice Jet, Smellerbee, and Longshot stride up to him until they’re directly in front of him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, Lee,” Jet says as he shoots Zuko that grin, “Ready to go?” Zuko stands.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Where are you going, Lee?” Iroh looks up, eyes sparkling with amusement as he looks between the four teens. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re gonna go play cards on the upper deck.” Smellerbee answers. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’ll be back in time for dinner, uncle.” Zuko feels bad for lying but he feels it’s for the better that he isn’t honest up front, this time. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Iroh nodded. “Very well, have fun, Lee.” He offered a smile and went back to his reading. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Their infiltration and theft had been a complete success. They, as well as many other refugees near them, were able to eat steaming meat, vegetables, and fresh fruit, instead of the moldy bread. Zuko was very proud of helping the other refugees. It made him feel </span>
  <em>
    <span>good</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But dinner had long passed. It was hours later, and Zuko was lying on his cot. He hadn’t gotten much sleep, tossing and turning. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He could hear Iroh snoring softly. He knew he was the only one up. It must’ve been well after midnight, because the sky was the darkest.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Iroh always said it’s darkest before the sun rises. And Zuko was pretty sure he meant literally. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With a small sigh, Zuko sat up. He knew he wasn’t getting anymore sleep that night. Weighing his options, he decided to go walk around for a little bit, clear his head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He heaved himself up and threw on a light coat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was windy out. Only a few stars sparkled in the sky. The moon was bright, but it was cloudy too. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zuko found himself remembering when Zhao killed the moon and turned her red. Despite being his enemies, he felt horror at witnessing the waterbenders lose their power. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He remembered that only a few minutes later, there was a bright light and the moon returned it her sparkling blue.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tui, her name was, he thought, or maybe this is a different moon spirit since Zhao did stab her. Either way, she felt distant, but kind, loving, but unable to do much. Then again, he draws power from the sun, so what does he know?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Beautiful, isn’t it?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zuko jumped and instinctively drew his swords. His face turned to a snarl, hackles raised. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was just Jet. “Sorry if I scared you.” He was leaning, relaxed, against the railing about 6 feet away. He was clearly unarmed, spare the knife at his hip. He was giving him that stupid, arrogant look. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zuko put his swords away, and relaxed a little. His hackles stayed up though. “It’s fine. What did you say?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I said it’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Jet didn’t take his eyes away from Zuko’s. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Huffing, the ex-prince turned back towards the water. “I guess.” He felt his face burning. He hoped the moonlight would mute out the red on his cheeks, ears, and neck. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Slowly, clearly trying not to spook him again, Jet moved closer. Instead, Zuko thought his movements looked rather predatory. That made the red on his face grow. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jet seemed to be unashamed of studying his face. Though, now, his smile was softer. It was endearing and fond, now, instead of arrogant. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“An ash-bringer gave you that scar, didn’t they?” Jet knew it was obvious, but he said it anyway. As he did, h</span>
  <span>e brushed Zuko’s hair out of his bad eye. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zuko flinched back like he’d been shocked. “What the hell are you doing?!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jet sighed a little and turned to look at the water now. “I’m sorry, Lee. I just think it looks good on you.” He glanced at him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zuko, meanwhile, gaped. Then he went back to glaring. “Don’t patronize me, Jet.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not. I mean it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zuko scoffed. The blush was back on his cheeks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It means you’ve lived. You’re a survivor, like me.” Jet moved so his back was leaning on the rail now, looking at him fully. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With a small huff, Zuko slowly moved back to where he’d been standing and leaning on the rail. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Beside, scars on a man are hot as fuck.” Jet added after another couple seconds.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zuko gagged on his own spit and started coughing. “What?!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jet laughed. It was a soft noise, filled with mirth and joy. “Sorry if that was more upfront than what you’re used to, Lee. ‘Round where I’m from, we lay the flirting and foreplay on thick.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Spirits, you’re gonna kill me.” Zuko found himself smiling a little. “And where exactly are you from, Jet?” He watched him from the corner of his eye. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The woods,” Jet answered, smiling. Not that smug grin, but something actually joyful. He slid closer and flipped so they were both facing the water now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A comfortable silence fell over them. Jet looked up and closed his eyes. Basking in the moonlight, Zuko took his turn to study the others' faces. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Noticing a scar just under his jaw, Zuko reached and gently ran his finger over it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jet jumped like a startled cat, but not backing away. “What’s that for, Lee?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You touch my scar; I touch yours, Jet.” Zuko grinned, knowing his cheeks were still pink.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jet </span>
  <em>
    <span>pouted</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and Zuko’s pink turned red. “Fine, that’s fair.” Jet settled back to where he had been. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They’re staring at each other now. They’re staring into each other’s souls. Even if it sounds really cheesy, that was the only way to describe what was happening. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jets hands find Zuko’s hips and pull him close. Distantly, Zuko thinks this is the closest he’s ever been with a boy before, outside of combat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They’re so close. They’re breathing in each other’s air, but Zuko is still breathless. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Tell me what you want.” Jet breathes softly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At once, Zuko hates him again. How dare he make Zuko actually say what he wants to do. Jet knows and he’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>teasing.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>While he tries to form a coherent sentence, Jet moves down and is kissing under his ear. It’s gentle and lighter than a feather. It only makes it harder to think straight. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After what feels like forever of Jet’s light neck-kissing, Zuko is finally able to spit it out. “Kiss me, Jet.” It comes out </span>
  <em>
    <span>way </span>
  </em>
  <span>closer to pleading than he had intended. It was supposed to be a demand. It came out like begging. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As soon as Jet’s lips are on his, a panic momentarily freezes him.</span>
</p>
<p><span>He’s the crown prince of the fire nation. A warrior, a leader. He’s the example for all fire nation citizens: both good and bad. He can’t be </span><em><span>kissing</span></em> <em><span>a</span></em> <em><span>boy</span></em><span>. He can’t be getting </span><em><span>riled</span></em> <em><span>up</span></em><span> over </span><em><span>a boy</span></em><span>. </span></p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s wrong, baby? First time?” Jet purrs as he pulls away slightly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A deep breath and, “It’s nothing. Kiss me again,” this time it </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>a command. Not waiting for him, Zuko surges forward and kisses him again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’s not the crown prince of the fire nation right now. He’s not a leader. He’s not </span>
  <em>
    <span>Zuko</span>
  </em>
  <span>. <br/></span>
  <span>He’s Lee. Lee, who is fleeing to the safety of Ba Sing Se after the fire nation took over his village. Lee, of the earth kingdom. Lee, who is happy and not ashamed to kiss boys. He is Lee right now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jet smiles against his lips and gladly kisses back. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After several heated minutes, Zuko pulls back, panting heavily. “Is that your knife, or am I that good at kissing?” He shoots Jet his own signature smug grin. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shut up.” Jet pushed him back against the rail, pinning his body in place. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They’re kissing again. It’s closer to making out, really. Then, Jet is dragging Zuko towards his bedroom—if it can even be called that. The bedrooms are more like closets with cots in them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Another panic seizes Zuko as they are stumbling. “Wait.” He blurted as Jet was about to pull him inside said bedroom. “Wait.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jet pulls him inside and kisses his neck again. “Yes, Lee?” He purred, “Use your words.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zuko was made breathless again as he was pushed against the door and kissed senseless. “Wait—Jet—I…” he couldn’t think straight. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jet finally stopped. Pulling back, he nuzzled their noses. “Spit it out, then,” he said not unkindly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I… I…” Zuko felt like his brain was put through a blender. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“C’mon, baby. Just say it.” Jet kissed along his jawline, towards his bad ear, but not fully reaching the scarred area. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I… I like boys.” Zuko wanted to punch himself in embarrassment. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jet laughed again and pulled back to look at his eye. “Good. Otherwise this next part would be real’ awkward.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zuko flushed darker again. To avoid speaking, he pulled him back into a kiss. Both boys fell into the unyielding cot a few minutes later.</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. i has this box of pictures hidden in tall grass, you won’t find me ‘cause i’m already gone</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ember Island reveals all. It always has, and always will.<br/>It's a fact of life.<br/>Not all that is revealed is bad.<br/>-<br/>chapter title: Already Gone by Wild Rivers</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p>
  <strong>4.</strong>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Li and Lo’s chant about Ember Island was still ringing in Zuko’s head when he got into bed that night. <br/>
</span>
  <span>The island did teach them more about themselves, revealing the truth behind walls of trauma and mistrust. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko was angry at himself. Ty Lee was lonely. Mai was damaged. Azula grew up without access to healthy behaviors. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was strange and hit too close to home, in Zuko’s opinion. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knew he was angry. He was always angry. <br/>
</span>
  <span>He was angry about his father, the avatar, his uncle, Jet, Azula, Mai, Ty Lee, and everyone in between… <br/>
</span>
  <span>He’s angry about the fire nation, the northern water tribe, Ba Sing Se, and every place in between… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He is now realizing that his destiny isn’t what he thought it was. It’s not what he </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted </span>
  </em>
  <span>it to be. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And now, there are simple truths he can’t ignore anymore: he wants to overthrow Ozai, he wants his uncle to be proud again, he wants the avatar alive, he wants to be happy—truly happy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he’s not happy. The avatar is dead—even if the feeling in his gut says otherwise. His uncle is ashamed of him. Ozai is on the brink of ruling the entire world. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko falls asleep with those thoughts in his head, and his pillow wet with tears.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zuko became partially conscious at some point in the night. There was a weight on him that was vaguely human shaped, but smaller than his own form. <br/>
</span>
  <span>It took him a second to process this, before he jerked and instinctively went to shoot fire at the stranger. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was immediately deflected and as he went for a second strike, he processed who it was: Ty Lee. He stopped immediately. <br/>
</span>
  <span>But Ty Lee was still sitting on his lower stomach, with one hand holding his raised hand, and the other on his shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the hell?” Zuko hissed at her. “Let go of me!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She immediately did but stayed in his lap. “I need to talk to you, so keep it down,” she whispered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko sat up. “Why couldn’t you wake me like a normal person?!” He was clearly annoyed by the situation. “And get out of my lap! I’m with Mai!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ty Lee huffed. “I tried, you weren’t getting up! I only climbed on you as a last resort!” She slid off him and sat criss-crossed next to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine, whatever. What do you want?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wanted to apologize to you, and talk to you about something,” she answered, looking at her hands for a moment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko sighed and got comfy again. Leaning against his pillow and the wall, prepared to listen. He took a moment to process that they’re both in their sleep clothes, which cover very little on both of them. He can’t help the small huff he gives. “Go on.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wanted to apologize for calling you out at the fire earlier. It wasn’t fair of me to make you share your feelings like that, especially in front of Azula.”  Ty Lee bit her lip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine, Ty Lee. I’m sorry for calling you a ‘circus freak’. We were both caught up in the moment.” Zuko took a deep breath as he spoke. He met her eyes so she knew he was genuine. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She brought her knees up to her chest. “But I… I don’t know… things are so different now, instead of when we were kids.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know what you mean.” He closed his eyes for a moment, before looking back at her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Azula’s more power-hungry and Mai’s so much more apathetic. I miss when she’d get excited about stuff.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me too. Her eyes used to shine and she’d fidget with her hair.” Zuko remembered fondly. “I love her.” But not in the way she wanted him to. He’d never stop feeling guilty for not being able to give that to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love her too—but I know the way we love her is different and stuff. You’re her boyfriend after all.” Ty Lee added the second part quickly, almost desperately. She didn’t want Zuko to get the wrong idea. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko exhaled slowly. “And nowadays, I’m angry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “And I’m lonely.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They sat in silence for several minutes. Zuko stared at the ceiling and Ty Lee stared out the window. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finally, Zuko spoke. “C’mere,” he said softly, shifting so he was more lying down than sitting up. He extended a hand to her. <br/>
</span>
  <span>Wordlessly, she took his hand and lied down. Gently, she curled into his side and used his chest as a pillow. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They lied there together. If Mai came in, she'd throw a fit. If Azula came in, she’d mock them for eternity. If Li and Lo came in, the whole fire nation would know before they even returned to the mainland. <br/>
</span>
  <span>But they’re all asleep. It was just Zuko and Ty Lee, grieving together for dead nostalgia. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ty Lee could hear Zuko’s heartbeat. She knew he was going to speak well before he did, because his heart rate sped up. She knew it was going to be something big for him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know, I think we do like Mai in the same way,” Zuko started awkwardly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ty Lee snapped around so they were facing each other. “No, I’m not—I don’t— it’s not like that—“ she fumbled desperately over her words, eyes wide, cheeks red.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, that’s not what I meant. It’s okay, calm down.” Zuko shook his head quickly. Based on her reactions to their conversations about Mai, though, he could tell it was like that. He didn’t say it though. That’s not what he was trying to say. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? Oh. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” It clicked in Ty Lee’s head. “You don’t love her like that.” She put her head back on his chest, still facing him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head a little. “She knows it. She knew I could never love her like that. But I still care for her, so much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean? You ‘could never’ do it?” She cocked her head a little. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not… I don’t…” he took a shaky breath. “I’m not into that… that being girls… I go… the other… the other way.” He fumbled over his words. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” Ty Lee whispered. Looking away from him for a moment while she thought. “She knows?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded jerkily. “For a while.” He could feel Ty Lee physically relax on top of him, most likely subconsciously. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked back at him. “I guess this island does make you realize stuff,” she said softly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A couple more moments of silence passed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You won’t say anything, right?” Zuko said finally, desperation clear in his voice, despite his best efforts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head quickly. “No. Never. I wouldn’t do that to you. I swear it to Agni,” she said quickly, immediately soothing his anxiety. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He relaxed. “Thank you, Ty Lee.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gave him a soft smile. “In the circus, there were a lot of people who were… like that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko can’t help but snort at that comment. “Glad to know I’m on par with circus performers.” His tone was annoyed but his playfulness was clear to anyone who knew him. Ty Lee did know him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She giggled. “Nicest people I’ve ever met though.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you know? I’m not nice. I’m fearsome and violent!” He can’t help the smile creeping onto his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She giggled again. “My apologies, your royal highness!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmmm, you’re forgiven.” He closed his eyes, fond and relaxed. She closed her eyes too, and they fell asleep together.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. my closest friends, the ones who make me feel less alien</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Zuko trusts them. They're the Avatar, bending masters, and Sokka. Even with daddy issues, he trusts Hakoda too. <br/>So why are they all staring at him? What's that feeling in his gut?<br/>Ah yes, this is what rejection feels like again. <br/>- <br/>chapter title: Another Night on Mars by The Maine</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>please note, this chapter has some mild descriptions of violence and deadly force being used against gay people</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/>
<p>
  <strong>5.</strong>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>Living in the western air temple with Aang and his group of young rebels was strangely nice. After spending so much time hunting them, he felt at home sitting among them. He thought he’d feel like an outsider, but he didn’t. He felt more at peace than he had in a long time. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He hadn’t regained his honor, he knows, because he never lost it. It was never Ozai’s to give away. Once he had realized that, things were easier. It felt easier to breathe. Each step was lighter. Every thought was clearer. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It helped that they trusted him—spare Katara. But he didn’t blame her for that. He would earn it in time, he knew. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In coming here he was at peace with himself too. He liked men, not women. He was working on unlearning all the horrible things he had been born to believe about people like him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That might, after making his uncle’s favorite tea for everyone around the campfire, he decided he wanted to come clean about that too. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Not that it’s something dirty. It’s perfectly normal to like men. Nothing is wrong with him. He deserves to love and be loved by whomever he wants. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So after dinner was done, before every split up to go to bed, when there was a lull in conversation, Zuko spoke up. “Umm, hey. I wanted to tell you guys something.” He couldn’t help fiddling with the seam of his tunic. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah? What is it, Zuko?” Aang asked, curious and cheery as usual. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Katara mumbled something under her breath and Toph punched her. He took deep breaths and forced himself not to analyze that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There’s not really a way to skirt around it so I’ll just say it: I’m gay. I like men.” He blurted, rather ineloquently. He kept his eyes down. He couldn’t help the nerves that were eating him up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was a long silence. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay. Is that it?” Katara finally snapped. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The way no one else spoke made Zuko’s stomach sink. He felt sweat gather and he knew his face was pale. He slowly looked up and nodded, not daring to look at anyone else but Katara. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Katara only scoffed before she began collecting everyone’s empty trays. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay… anyway…” Aang whistled awkwardly. He started up a conversation with the group and everyone pretended like Zuko hadn’t just spoken. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He quickly excused himself. He could feel the tears in his eyes and his chest was tight. He couldn’t breathe. He knew the signs of a panic attack. He wanted to look back once more, but refrained. He wouldn’t be functional if he saw their disappointed or pitying looks. <br/></span>
  <span>Zuko kept walking. But if he had turned and looked, he would’ve seen how concerned and confused everyone looked—even Katara. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So… anyone know why Zuko just ran out?” Suki said once the boy had vanished. “He looked like he was gonna cry.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“His heart rate skyrocketed when he was talking and it only got worse when he finished.” Toph informed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I should go check on him.” Aang stood up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll come with, that was very un-Zuko like of him,” Sokka added. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s just trying to bait you.” Katara rolled her eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If a child needs to bait someone into caring about them, then they probably actually need to be cared for, Katara,” Hakoda warned. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, well, you don’t know him, dad.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, Sokka and I are going,” Aang interrupted, standing up. Sokka did the same, stretching like a cat as he did. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t get it,” Chit Sang said suddenly. He stood too. “You don’t understand.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” Aang frowned deeply. “We’re going to see why he’s upset!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re the reason he’s upset,” Chit didn’t quite snap, but his voice had a clear edge. “I’ve spent enough time with others in that prison to know it’s different for you guys. Just sit down and let me explain.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aang hesitated, but did as he was told and sat back down. Sokka narrowed his eyes at Chit but did the same. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you mean by that, Chit?” Hakoda asked finally as the other man settled. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He took a deep breath. “In the fire nation, we are raised a certain way. One of those ways is that the only valid form of attraction is between a man and a woman. Anything else is considered to be an abomination, a curse on the household by the spirits. Some regions have a tradition of stoning gay people to death. Other times, it’s drowning them. In the province I was raised in, they were publicly hung in the town square. To accuse someone of being gay is a serious offense that requires a full investigation into the accused. For Zuko to come out openly like that… it takes a lot. I’m sure, being royalty, he’s fully aware of how horrible gay people are treated. I don’t have any problems with it personally, but I did when I was much younger,” Chit Sang explained. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Several emotions passed over the group before they all settled on horror. Katara and Haru both looked like they were gonna be sick. Suki, Sokka, and The Duke were all in a state of shock. Aang and Hakoda were clearly furious. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The monks always taught us love is love. That who they are doesn’t matter. How could they—“ Aang cut himself off, mind going to fast to fully voice it all. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“In the water tribes, who you love is like your favorite color. A cool fun fact that has no real bearing on how people treat or act around you. Sometimes your favorite color changes as you get older, sometimes it doesn’t. Both paths are valid. Same with sexuality,” Katara said softly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“In the earth kingdom, sexuality is a sign of rank. Many high society people are gay or bi or whatever. Being straight is, like my parents used to say, for the commoners.” Toph took a deep breath. “I figured, of course he’s gay: he’s a prince.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It is nothing like any of those situations in the fire nation.” Chit shook his head. “He likely took your silence negatively.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sokka stood up suddenly. “We need to clear things up!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aang, Suki, and Toph nodded quickly and stood too. Even Katara walked over. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I will come with, if you don’t mind,” Hakoda dusted off his shirt and stood as well. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aang nodded. “Alright. Let’s go.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wait—Aang! Tell him we all support him!” The Duke said quickly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We will, The Duke.” Suki offered a quick smile. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The group made their way to Zuko’s room, with Hakoda in the back and Sokka and Aang leading the way. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>In his room, Zuko had nearly thrown up into an old helmet, and was now curled up in bed. He was trying to stay calm now. He was forcing himself to think of his uncle and his mom and not crippling rejection. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When there was a knock on his door, he jumped. “Go away!” He shouted as he forced himself to sit up. His arms were shaking and he hated it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“C’mon, Zuko, we just wanna talk to you!” He heard Sokka’s voice.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Go fuck yourself!” He snarled, hating how you could hear the shakiness. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m going to open the door,” Aang said and the doorknob began to turn. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zuko shrieked and sent a fireball at the door as it swung open. Aang seemed prepared through and easily dispelled it. He could see all of them standing there, just outside his room, and he felt like he was gonna vomit, again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fine!” He snarled, “What do you want?!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Instead of replying, Aang moved towards him with confidence before tackling Zuko into a tight hug. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Initially, he tended and tried to shake the smaller boy off, but then Zuko allowed himself to let his walls down, and hugged back tightly. He tried not to cry. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A second later, Toph and Suki were hugging him too. Then Toph and Hakoda. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zuko was feeling very overwhelmed by all of this. He didn’t know what to do with all this unwavering support for his identity. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As he was struggling internally, Katara joined the hug too. Once that happened, Zuko couldn’t hold back his tears and allowed them to flow. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He had never felt this much love in his life and he was shaking from it. <br/></span>
  <span>They didn’t even need to speak; Zuko understood as soon as he’d seen the look on Aang’s face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hindsight, of course they hadn’t known how people like him were treated. <br/></span>
  <span>Hindsight, of course they’d be opposed to it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They all relaxed a little. Now, not hugging, but still huddled together. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re crying,” Suki pointed out softly, giving him a piece of cloth to wipe his eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I…” Zuko swallowed thickly. “I’ve never been hugged like that before.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, that’s an easy problem to solve. We’ll hug you more from now on!” Aang grinned up at him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hakoda chuckled softly and put a hand on Zuko’s shoulder. “Chit Sang explained to us the importance of what you said. We </span>
  <em>
    <span>all</span>
  </em>
  <span> agree that we support you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks,” He says softly, sensing that overwhelming feeling in his chest again, but he held back the second wave of tears. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course! You’re part of the gang now. We all support each other. Unless someone is being dumb.” Toph is tucked into his side when she speaks. “This doesn’t count as a dumb thing.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He sees Katara leave out of the corner of his eye, but the fact she came to comfort him is enough that he can’t be upset. He knows she’s hesitant about him being ‘part of the gang’. But that’s not what this is about right now, so he’s still thankful for her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks, Toph.” He clears his throat and finds that he feels much better. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Really, Zuko, it’s not a big deal for us though. You’re safe here. Suki and I are bi. Aang and Haru are pan.” Sokka shrugged and clapped him on the back. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Katara is, sadly, straight.” Suki sighed dramatically. They all laughed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m gonna have to leave if you keep bashing my daughter.” Hakoda shook his head, smiling just a little. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’ve stopped, we’ve stopped.” Aang put up his hands innocently. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright, but I’m watching you, Avatar.” Hakoda pretended to threaten him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They all laughed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He felt even lighter than before, almost dizzy from it. He couldn’t wipe the small smile off his face. </span>
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<p> </p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. i said “mom i know you tried”, she fell on her knees and cried</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Almost killing Yon Rha, and actively choosing not to, is one of the strongest things Zuko has witnessed in his life.<br/>He's not strong; he would've killed Yon Rha.<br/>But it's not really his call, is it?<br/>-<br/>chapter title: Run for Cover by The Killers</p>
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    <hr/><p><b>+1</b>.</p><hr/><p>Being at Ember Island a second time, Zuko found the shores just as calming as before. Though, the situation is much different. He’s not with Azula, Mai, and Ty Lee. He’s with Katara, who almost killed the man who killed her mother. Silently, Zuko still thinks she should’ve done it—but he’d respected her choice anyway. </p><p>They’re sitting at the end of the dock. He’s just set Appa to get Aang and the others. It’ll be a couple hours before they arrive still.</p><p>Zuko swings just feet in the water, leaning back on his elbows. It’s warm out. </p><p>But there’s something nagging in the back of Zuko’s mind, it was something that the man had said: <em> “you’re that little water tribe boy”. </em></p><p>But Katara was clearly a girl. Maybe, he thought, young water tribe children all have short hair. Afterall, he’s seen their parkas for himself, and they hide all body curves. They make everyone cube shaped. While personally, Zuko felt a cube body was the ideal body, he could understand how a  small, short haired, shapeless child could be rather androgynous. </p><p>He’s so lost in thought, he doesn’t notice Katara has started crying until she makes a whimpering noise as she draws her knees to her chest. </p><p>With a start, Zuko sits up. “Want a hug?” He asked awkwardly. </p><p>She sniffled and wiped her eyes. A moment later, she shook her head.</p><p>“Okay,” he said softly and just sat with her. Staring out across the water, instead of at her, he hoped, would make her not get self conscious. </p><p>After a couple minutes of her crying, she started to talk. “When I was growing up, my mom always wanted a daughter. Someone to braid the hair off and teach how to do the things her mother taught her.” </p><p>Zuko forced himself not to look at her. He felt like the moment was a piece of glass and a single wrong move would make it shatter. <br/>He didn’t want to shatter it. </p><p>“I wasn’t very good at fighting, so I never went to warrior training with Sokka and dad,” she continued, “I tried to convince my mom to teach me those things instead of waiting for a baby sister, but she said it was meant to be passed down by the women in the family. She said one day I would understand. But I never stopped pushing her to teach me. The night before she died, she finally promised to teach me how to sew.” Her voice cracked and tears found her eyes again. She put her face back in her knees. </p><p>Zuko feels very lost. He decides he has to speak. “But you are a girl. Why wouldn’t she…?” He drifted off, motioning vaguely instead of finishing with words. </p><p>“I wasn’t a girl back then, Zuko.” She looked at him and he dared to look back. </p><p>Zuko frowned, still confused. </p><p>“I’m transgender, Zuko.” Katara took a shaky breath. “I was born a boy.” </p><p>“Oh. <em> Oh </em>.” He realized and flushed pink. “Sorry that took me so long to get.” </p><p>Katara shrugged it off. “I know it’s different in the fire nation.” </p><p>“Yeah.” He nodded slightly. </p><p>She looked down again and sniffled. “I never got to come out to her. She never knew that she had a little girl the whole time.” Her voice cracked again. “Gran Gran is the one who had to teach me all of the traditions, after I came out.” </p><p>Zuko frowned and rubbed her back. “Well, I don’t want to overstep but…” he hesitated. </p><p>She looked up at him. Her eyes were a mix of daring him to say something bad and hope of something good. </p><p>“...I think your mother would be very proud of the woman you are today, Katara.” He finished, voice soft, meeting her eyes with genuine honesty. </p><p>In an instant, Katara was crying into his chest as she hugged him. Surprised but not unwelcoming, he wrapped his arms around her and let her cry. </p><p>There really was no doubt in his mind that Katara and Sokka’s mother would be proud and happy with how her children turned out—being the companions of the avatar, bringing harmony to Earth, and ending a century-long war. </p><p>Zuko was <em> sure </em>she’d be proud of her daughter. </p><hr/><p> </p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. history forgets the moderates, for those who sit recalcitrant and taciturn</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Zuko isn't just the crown prince anymore, he's the Firelord. <br/>That title comes with a responsibility to his people; a responsibility that his forefathers had neglected.<br/>He was going to set it all right again. As soon as he got some sleep... or not. <br/>- <br/>chapter title: Sisyphus by Andrew Bird</p>
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    <hr/><p>
  <strong>BONUS.</strong>
</p><hr/><p>Firelord Zuko has been the absolute ruler of the fire nation for 8 months. <br/>Firelord Zuko hasn’t gotten a good night's sleep in 8 months. <br/>Firelord Zuko hasn’t seen all his friends together in 8 months. </p><p>To start, Zuko’s coronation was only a week after his Agni Kai with Azula. Specifically, it fell smack on his 17th birthday. </p><p>It was an amazing celebration filled with fire nation traditions. In his opening speech, his advisers had suggested keeping future politics vague, to avoid making any enemies off the bat, but Zuko wasn’t going to do that.<br/>In his speech, he makes it clear that he will do all that he can to bring peace and harmony and fix the mess that his father and his father before him and <em> his father before him </em>made. </p><p>His advisers didn’t like that but he didn’t give a single fuck about what they thought. He’d replaced them all by the end of the week anyway. </p><p>As for his lack of good sleep, Zuko found his new bed to be far too plush. He was used to Appa’s firm saddle basket and stone or dirt floors. He wasn’t even used to a pillow, much less ones larger than himself. </p><p>There were thick, silken sheets and light, silken sheets. It was hard to have the heavy one on without overheating, and it was hard to <em> not </em> have the heavy one on because it felt like the blanket was hugging him. <br/>The pillows were plush with eel swan feathers. It was nice and very expensive, he knew, but he couldn’t sleep on them. He felt like he was suffocating in them at night. It didn’t make him feel good at all. <br/>Then there was the mattress itself. It was far too lenient. It was like quicksand under him. Instead of killing him, the mattress seemed to instead simply hold him hostage. He wasn’t sure which was worse. </p><p>So most nights, he took one of his sheets and curled up on the ground, often near a window. It wasn’t proper but that didn’t matter as long as he was actually able to sleep. </p><p>The worst part was how little Zuko saw those he cared about. Aang was off bringing peace to all corners of the world. Katara and Sokka were at their home tribe or off bringing peace with Aang. Toph was normally showing off her metal bending skills or working with King Kuei to get him accustomed to his own kingdom. Uncle was always at the Jasmine Dragon in Ba Sing Se, living his best life. Ty Lee and Suki were back at Kyoshi Island training, and Mai was with them. </p><p>And sure, they all stopped by or he’d see them at a formal event, but the last time they were all together was the night of his coronation. </p><p>Despite spending so much time alone, or trying to be alone, he found he hated being alone. He missed having someone’s presence next to him on a day to day basis. Now, not having it there was just as suffocating as his pillows, but this was a much harder problem to fix than just making new pillows. </p><p>But there was a silver lining to all these problems—especially the last one: for Sokka’s birthday next week, they were all going on a camping trip, with the intent for it to be like old times. </p><p>Zuko kept reminding himself of that as he sat through <em> another </em>meeting. This was the 7th one today! For Agni’s sake, he just wanted to go to bed! It was nearing midnight!</p><p>So yeah, maybe he was nodding off and nearly-dreaming about a cuddle pile with all his friends and Momo on Appa’s back. </p><p>“That is all, Your Majesty.” An old man with a pointy beard who’d been standing for the last hour finally sat. </p><p>Zuko nearly punched himself as he straightened suddenly. “Thank you. You are all dismissed.” He didn’t wait for them to leave before he swept out of the room.</p><p>As soon as he got to the hallway, his guards were walking with him. Surprisingly, one of the secretaries that had been in the meeting walked with them. “Your Majesty! I wish to speak with you about a—ummm… it’s a personal matter sir,” the small man squeaked as he nearly jogged to keep up. </p><p>With the smallest sigh, Zuko slowed his pace until the man’s face was no longer the same color as her robes. “Yes?” Zuko glanced at him calmly, even though he was exhausted and feeling like strangling everyone that had kept that meeting going for so long. </p><p>The man looked around nervously, making sure the corridor was empty except for them, before he spoke, “I have a friend who is going to be put in jail for a stupid law!” </p><p>Zuko looked at him and stopped walking. “What?” </p><p>The man shook her head quickly. “Firelord Azulon implemented a stupid law that gets hundreds of people killed every month and you haven’t revoked it! Please, Firelord Zuko, look over her letter and think about it.” He pushed a scroll into his hand. He dabbed her eyes as if he were about to start crying and took off. </p><p>Zuko stared at the scroll for a long time before he started walking again. By the time he reached his room, he resolved to read it in the morning, despite the curiosity gnawing at his stomach. </p><p>He pulled on his sleep gown and lied in bed, as uncomfortable as it was. Shortly thereafter, he moved to the ground again. But he couldn’t get the scroll out of his head. </p><p>Logically, he knew himself, and if he opened that scroll and read it, he wouldn’t be getting any sleep that night. He needed sleep… but then again, the scroll was sitting there. No, Zuko steeled himself to temptation and rolled over. He would sleep now. </p><p> </p><p>As Zuko popped the scroll open at his desk, he noticed that it was now, officially, past midnight.</p><p>With a flick of his hand, the nearby candle became lit with his fire. Using the small desk candle, Zuko began to read. </p><p>The letter made Zuko want to punch himself and set the palace on fire. How could he be so <em> forgetful </em> ?! So <em> dumb </em> and <em> ignorant </em>?! </p><p>He let out a strangled cry into a pillow and the candle flared dramatically before he remembered his breathing techniques. </p><p>After a couple minutes of just breathing, Zuko reread the paper. It was a personal letter addressed to a <em> Raki </em> —and it was easy enough to assume <em> Raki </em> was the man who had given him this in the first place—regarding the sender's imprisonment. <br/>The woman was to be put on trial for fornication with her neighbor, who was another woman. Both women had confessed openly to said crime and told the city officials that they were in love and such an act should not be illegal. <br/>Despite confessing, they were both being put on trial, but more to decide the punishment than to decide if they’re guilty. </p><p>How could Zuko forget about the homophobic laws? He had been so busy trying to pull resistant troops out of Earth Kingdom ports and stopping skirmishes at bordering villages that he had forgotten about other laws that were also pressing. </p><p>He needed to make a point to his people about this. Homophobia and transphobia would be tolerated no longer. An age of peace meant <em> peace for all </em>, not just those whose existence are convenient for privileged people. </p><p>He skimmed the paper to find the date and time of the trial. As soon as he did, the candle flared. He forced it back down with steady breathing. The trial would be next week, the day he was to go with his friends camping. It was too late in the afternoon to be able to go to the village and then swing around to the campsite. </p><p>Taking another deep breath, Zuko got out a fresh sheet of paper, brush, and ink. He began to write. </p><p> </p><p>The morning of the trial, Zuko arrives at the small village. He had spent the previous day learning about the history of said village. </p><p>During Ozai’s reign, the village had been known as Fire Fountain City, because they had a statue of Ozai that shot fire in their main square. <br/>Now, when Zuko had banned all monuments commemorating the 100 Year War, the town had taken down said statue and returned to their old name: North Chung-Ling. <br/>Their magistrate's name was Shima and he was rather conservative—not that that would be a problem. </p><p>The royal caravan had set up camp just outside the village itself, with the hopes that word wouldn’t get out about their visit until the trial time came. <br/>Even then, Zuko would be going undercover. He wanted to see what the magistrate was going to try to do before he intervened. </p><p>Letter or not, he wasn’t the kind of person to jump straight in and accuse someone of something, at least, not anymore. <br/>Absolute ruler or not, he was going to do this the <em> right </em> way. </p><p> </p><p>When it was finally time, Zuko donned his cloak, dressed down and much more like a middle class merchant than the <em> Firelord </em> . But that was the <em> point </em>!</p><p>At the trial itself, Zuko sat in the back of the courtroom with his single bodyguard—who looked noticeably more comfortable in commoner clothes—and observed the proceedings. </p><p>Both women—Miss Okirsi and Miss Sao—were bound to by rough rope, and even from the back, you could see their rope burns. Magistrate Shima sneered down at them with cruel eyes that made Zuko shudder. <br/>In the front row, their families watched on. Both families looked ashamed, embarrassed<em>,</em> and angry at the <em>women</em>. One older woman from the families was holding a small child who was babbling innocently to himself, unaware of the grim atmosphere. </p><p>Each woman was allowed to make a defending statement and given a final chance to deny the charges, but both women refused to deny their love for each other. </p><p>A prosecuting attorney stood and reminded both Magistrate Shima and everyone bearing witness about the laws of the land—laws that Firelord Zuko was ready to rip into. </p><p>“These two need to be made into an example,” the magistrate said slowly after the attorney had finished speaking, “so that social degenerates like them may never corrupt our youth with their disease.” </p><p>“Being in love isn’t a disease!” Miss Okirsi shouted. The lanterns around the room flared up. </p><p>“Careful, degenerate, another wrong step and I’ll have you sent to the mines. And you know what they do with pretty girls in the mines.” Magistrate Shima’s lips bent upwards into what, on any other person, would be a smile, but it held nothing a smile should. It held disgust and power instead of joy and love. </p><p>Zuko couldn’t take another second. In a single motion, he stood, dropped his cloak, and straightened his crown. “I will be taking over the proceedings from here, magistrate.” His voice echoed around the room.</p><p>Everyone stared. The crowd's face was a mix of confusion and recognition. Shima’s face was one of confusion. “Who do you think you are?” He sputtered. </p><p>“I am Firelord Zuko, son of Iroh: Dragon of the West, friend and teacher of the Avatar. Now, magistrate, get out of your bench before I make you. I am taking over,” Zuko ordered, standing tall. He didn’t wait for Shima to reply before he strode forward. People bowed as he passed.</p><p>Shima sputtered before jumping away from the bench. His face was pale and he was clearly shocked. “Your Majesty! What have I done for you to bless my courtroom?” He bowed low to the ground. </p><p>“I have come because a little dove told me about these two young women, Okirsi and Sao, yes?” Zuko sat at the bench. </p><p>Both women nodded jerkily. They both looked as pale as Shima but way more nervous. </p><p>“Have Miss Okirsi and Sao untied at once,” he ordered. </p><p>Guards that had stood at the door rushed forward to untie them. They bowed properly at once.</p><p>“These women are right, you know. There should be nothing illegal about love. This country has, for too long, delved solely in hate. But no longer. Miss Okirsi, Miss Sao, you are free to leave if you wish.”</p><p>Okirsi started to leave quickly but stopped when Sao didn’t follow. Instead, Sao looked the Firelord in the eye and spoke, “Why are you doing this?” It was accusatory, just curious.</p><p>Zuko couldn’t help his smile. “Because you are right. Love is love and should be treated as such. Given that both parties are consenting adults.”</p><p>“Your Majesty!” Shima broke in, “This goes directly against Fire Nation tradition!”</p><p>“No, it goes against Azulon and Ozai. Before Sozin began his conquests, homosexuality was normal and not something you punish people for. To say that it <em> is </em> something punishable is upholding laws meant to bring harm and nothing else,” he sneered down at the man now, “that’s why, from this moment on, same-sex relationships will not only be legal, but perfectly eligible for marriage licences.”</p><p>The room broke into a flurry of whispers and murmurs. The court reporter was writing inhumanly fast to catch every word. </p><p>“How can you let these <em> lepers </em> roam free? They will infect our children!” One woman from the crowd cried out. There were mutters of agreement. </p><p>“Lepers?” Zuko couldn’t help but laugh. It was full bodied laughter that had him holding his stomach with his head thrown back. </p><p>The room became hushed in an instant.</p><p>The kind of man Zuko’s father had been was no secret—the scar across Zuko’s face was proof of that—and the reminder of how horrible he had been flashed before the eyes of every villager in the room. <br/>The woman who had spoken out had violently flinched when the laughter began. <br/>Even the reporter in the corner had stopped writing. </p><p>Zuko slumped forward, leaning on the desk as he tried to get his breathing even again. After another minute, he had calmed down enough—despite the corners of his mouth still twitching upwards—to address the woman who’d yelled out from the crowd. “You see these fine young women as <em> lepers </em>?” </p><p>He glanced at the women, who were still standing in the middle of the room. “These are easily two of the bravest women I have ever encountered here in the Fire Nation. Their commitment to their identities in the face of great threats of violence is amazing. I admire them greatly.” </p><p>Stunned, Sao gave a rushed bow. Okirsi just gaped. </p><p>“Diseased or not,” Shima whimpered from the side, “how can you side with them? Weren’t you too raised to see them so horribly?” </p><p>“It’s because he’s best friends with the Avatar, <em> bitch </em>!” An androgynous teenager from the stands scoffed at Shima’s question. The teen’s father hissed their name and glared intensely. The teen was unaffected. </p><p>Zuko laughed again. “They’re partially right!” He gave the teen a smile. “Spending time with people of all the nations taught me things our schools wouldn’t, at the time.” </p><p>“What’s the other reason?” Sao took a slow step closer, curious. Okirsi snapped out of her trance to follow her girlfriend.</p><p>They were clearly in love, he observed, the way their bodies naturally lean into each other was evidence enough. </p><p>With the smallest sigh, Zuko stood. “The other reason… you see, to put it in simple terms, every person I have ever taken any sort of romantic interest in has been a man. I have never once felt any sort of attraction towards a woman.” </p><p>Another hush took the room, but this time, the reporter kept writing. </p><p>“So,” he continued, “you refer to homosexuals as lepers because you see it as a disease. Yet, <em>your</em> <em>Firelord</em>, given the <em>divine right to rule from Agni herself</em>, is one of these ‘diseased’ folk. What does that tell you about what Agni cares for human attraction?” </p><p>The mood shifts. Instead of fear and anxiety eating up the room, it becomes one of self reflection and introspection, but it's still tense. </p><p>Shima appears to be seconds away from passing out. </p><p>Zuko turns his attention to the shaking man now. “Let it be known now and forever, any magistrate or city official that denies gay people their right to a peaceful and joyous life or to marriage will be immediately be stripped of their title. In addition, from here on out, anyone harasses or harms a gay person for the sole reason of their sexuality, shall be treated as if they are directly saying such things to my face.” He moved out from behind the bench. </p><p>He’s about to bid the people farewell and leave in a flurry, when he remembers something. He stops. </p><p>“As for people who wish to be called or treated like a different sex, they have the same right to a peaceful and joyous life. Any insult to them will also be treated as if the perpetrators are speaking directly to me. Now, good day to you all.”</p><p>Now, it’s dramatic exit time. His single bodyguard brings him his cloak. He swings it on easily and it billows behind him as he leaves the courtroom. </p><p> </p><p>Less than 48 hours later, Firelord Zuko is singing the official order for gay and transgender rights. He decides to call it the “Okirsi-Sao Act”. His advisors don’t like it but they don’t know. They don’t understand. </p><p>Well, he thought that until they were sitting him down one day and pushing a new binder in his face—profiles of new potential spouses. He hadn’t understood the purpose considering he’d shot all the previous ones down. </p><p>Then, he opened the book. </p><p>Firelord Zuko has never seen <em>that</em> <em>many</em> portraits of attractive, eligible, young men in his life—even if Sokka of the Southern Water Tribe was in the list. </p><p>Okay, so, maybe, his advisors did understand, just a little.</p><hr/><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>EDIT: this work is now part of a series! the pt2 will be coming out very soon!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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